Interview with a turkey

Interview With A Turkey

"You're scheduled to be executed in an hour. What's your story, how did you get here? Help me and my readers understand what's in your mind right now. One short hour. Why, you'll baste longer than that afterwards."
"Thanks for reminding me." He lights a cigarette, gripping his Bic with a taloned foot. "What's my story? I'll tell you my story, pal, I was born a turkey. You have no idea what it's like being a turkey in America."

"Tell us, we care, help us understand."

"Look, we're not pretty birds, we don't fly, what do you want from us? We got these gnarly red sacs hanging from our beaks. You know what our language is? Gobble, gobble. That's it. Every word in the turkey language consists of some form of gobble-gobble: gob, obble, ob, ob-ob, obble-gobble -- that's the way we talk. We're a threat to no one. Yet, every Thanksgiving without fail, we are rounded up by the millions and cannibalized. And Thanksgiving isn't even our holiday." He goes into a violent coughing fit, choking on the cigarette, his dewlap quivering. I wait patiently. Finally, he sips from a glass of water, regaining his composure.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, peachy freakin' keen. Do you realize that in a few short hours somebody's gonna make gravy out of my giblets? Now, that's just sick." He scowls at his cigarette, snubs it out in a cluttered ashtray. "Geez, nasty habit, smoking. Gonna kill me one of these days." A brief, humorless smile.

"So you feel that the Thanksgiving tradition is cruel and unusual?"

"You tell me. Is genocide by mastication cruel? You want unusual? Try this: When there is nothing left but bones, fatty deposits, and gristle, I will be made into soup. Turkey skeleton soup. Who in their right mind would eat turkey skeleton soup? What's wrong with fish? Isn't that the other white meat? Big fat catfish goes good with cranberries. I thought you people were obsessed with your red meat. Why can't Thanksgiving be a steak day? Or deer meat, chicken, possum, dog, I don't care, but in the name of all that's holy, please leave us turkeys in peace."

"What do you think of turkey bowling?"

"I think turkey bowling stinks. Next question."

"Would you support a Constitutional amendment that would make the killing of a turkey with the intention of eating it, a Hate Crime?"

"Well, the problem, you see, is that I am a turkey, and last time I looked turkeys hadn't been given the vote. But even if we were U.S. citizens, we'd still just be a bunch of turkeys, and what's that going to do?"

"Do they give you a final meal in here?"

"Yeah. Pellets. Same thing they give us every meal. Tasteless brown pellets that we eat off the ground. I don't even know what it is."

"It might encourage you to know that there is a candlelight vigil being held outside right now in support of your right to life."

"Oh how sweet. Supper tonight, they'll be fighting over who gets the leg."

"That's kind of cynical, don't you think?"

"I meant it in a good way."

"Do you have any final thoughts you'd like to share with us?"

"Maybe just that I'll be dead soon and the flesh gnawed from my bones."

"Well, I was thinking of something more upbeat. Can you tell us, for example, what you're most thankful for this holiday season?"

"Well, I've got my health. I'm thankful for that."

"Would you do something for me? Would you wish my readers happy Thanksgiving in turkey language?"

"Sure. Gobble gobble."

Were you talking to Sam -.- lol

No I wasn't talking to sam this is just a interview i came across on the internet I thought it was kinda funny do to it being thanksgiving here in the USA next week.

This is strange

yet it is Topic number 10,000 on iVirtua, (see the URL)

Wow thats so kewl. let us celebrate the moment.